Yes, Those Calories DO Count (Part 2)
July 14, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments
I know… As if the first half of this list wasn’t bad enough, yes:
There’s more.
In fact, here are five additional kinds’ve calories we’ve been dismissing that definitely do count…
6. Dressings and salad toppings
“I don’t get it – all I had this week was salad.” Mmkay. But, did you, perchance, happen to drown that salad in thousand calorie (I mean island) dressing? And add carmelized nuts (AKA sugar kernels)? And those sodium sauce saturated bean medleys? And fried chicken strips? Take it back to basics, beautiful. Sub in some lemon for your dressing. Or a light miso ginger. Ask for a less wet Caeser salad. Sub in some nuts that’re unsalted. (Nuts’ natural flavor’s already uh-mazing.) Make your meat lean or use tofu or tempeh instead. See if that doesn’t help. Then come complain again. And by complain, I mean check that you’re not committing any’ve the remaining four caloric sins on this list.
(Yes, with a fork. But, remember, go light on the dressing, darling…)
7. Alcohol
Yes, all sugary drink calories count (not just Starbucks), including firewater.
Yes, even the ones you don’t remember drinking count.
(Okay, maybe the two you puked up before bed don’t.)
8. Stress Snacking
Stress snacking’s a lot like sex: just because you didn’t enjoy it – doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. It totally does. You did it. Now the calories are making the rounds in your body. If you don’t do it often, no bigz. If you do, yes bigz. Big you, specifically. Big you, wondering how all this adipose magically manifested. So I’ll help: they came from the moment you turned chocolate truffles into savory Ativan last night. (Or that one time I turned pistachio vegan ice cream into crunchy klonopin, all exam week long.)
9. Kid snacks
I don’t own a genetic extension of my own ego (AKA offspring). But, I sure know a lot’ve ladies who do. And you know what I always hear about from moms? The habit of snacking on toddler food. Not because mom didn’t bring her own snacks – but because there’s always a sugary or salty “STFU” stash at the ready in both the Vera Bradley bag and her crayon covered center console. And, what else are ya gonna do while waiting in line to pick up your little nugget? Aside from eat cheese its? And wash it down with a now tepid venti mocha? Each harboring hoards of calories that make you’d cringe if you added them up? (Which is pro’ly why you haven’t been.) #JustHereToRuinYourDayWorseThanYourKindergartenerAlreadyHas
10. On holiday
Don’t jump down my throat on this one. I know going on holiday should mean stowing woes about weight. I’m not saying we should all worry for the duration of our Maui getaway (that we’re already not enjoying anyway because we’re spending it thinking of the debt it’s inducing). All’s I’m saying is that cause and effect is a real thing. And, if you notice your sarong suddenly fits more like a handkerchief, either learn to embrace your enlargement, or put away a few fewer of those lava flows.
(Which is fine, if *you’re* fine with it. But… are you?)
So, how’d we all do on the calorie tally?
Do some of these belong on your “things I need to tweak” list? If so, don’t be upset. A few of ’em still are on mine too. But that’s how we get what we want outta life. We get it by shining a blinding interrogation light on the fattening habits we’re hiding in the darkness of our cars parked in the Coldstone Creamery lot or stretches of stress snacking on the sofa. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting we all develop dietary OCD and count strands of spaghetti before we toss ’em in the pot. Life doesn’t always work out perfectly. Some days we’re gonna fall off the calorie management wagon. But it’s when it becomes a habit that we gain the weight. It’s whether or not we wanna get honest about our snacking on the sly (and get willing to quit it) that determines whether we lose the weight or not.
So, if you’re attempting a caloric deficit, mayhaps invite a little mindfulness into the next fistful of deliciousness you bring to your salivating snack cavity. What’s the quality of what you’re eating? (Is it almonds? Or an Almond Joy bar?) How often have you done this today? Is it cronut number one – or twenty-one?) At the day’s end, do an honest tally of all the calories you’ve consumed. (Yes, even the drinks you had during the awkward dinner with dad and his new fiancée who’s a decade younger than you.) And don’t hate on me. Much like Regina George’s boyfriend in the Mean Girls Kaltene scene, I’m just the messenger. And, if the scale’s not moving…
Maybe it’s just your weight, waiting for you to get real about relinquishing these poor eating habits.