The Weight Loss Antidote To This Triggering Starbucks Infographic

August 19, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments

Have you seen it?

This cruel infographic, floating around like half melted ice in a chilled matcha latte?

Whose grande size, incidentally, is about 220 calories?

(So triggering, I feel like using a venti frap to mitigate my anxiety…)

Okay, it should be no surprise that if you’re ordering junk from the bottom shelf on the daily, you’re kinda diabetes bound. That can’t be news to you. (Though, if it is, you’re welcome for the medical heads up.) I mean, really. They’re essentially ice blended, puréed cake – those crapuccinos, all covered in sugary, fluffed up, udder effluvia. But that 490 count is merely an estimate for the medium size. I can’t tell you how many people order the comically large venti – a size I thought was just a gag the first time I set foot in a Starbucks. (For a legit wake up call, head to the actual website to see the actual fat and calorie content of what you’re ordering. But not right after you order; It’s kindofa buzzkill. And you paid too much for that buzz.) So what’s a basic ‘bucksian (AKA Starbucks patron who’s such a regular, they officially identify with residing there) to do? That is, assuming we want to drop those last few summer pounds gained on a holiday? Do we hafta quit cold turkey? Hell no. See, a month or two ago (when I injured myself and decided to de-calorie my coffee concoctions during my time of decreased activity), I found out something interesting.

There was something about just pulling up to the Starbucks drive through, standing in line, sitting down to write, or just getting that hot or cold beverage in my hand… Something about that alone set off a Pavlovian response. It wasn’t the sugary raspberry mocha sugar high that lights off fireworks in my brain. No. But somehow – even though I was just getting a flat white or green tea (dressed up with the stevia I’d stashed in my bag) – it was enough to satiate the truculent two year old my tongue had become. So what can you do to get your fix without ditching your diet?

Easy. Follow my four simple tips:

1. Downgrade

Ever hear that annoying white chick in front of you with the eyeroll level long order, asking the barista to make her drink “skinny”? First, that’s me. (Hi.) And, second, what she means by that is: skip the whip, cut the pumps of syrup, and maybe sub in the soy or skim milk. These are all great ways to make that drank “skinny” and cut the calorie and fat factor way down. If all that seems like too much of a punishment, though, know that doing even just one can make a difference. If nada else, it’s a good start.

2. Downsize

Not fond of sacrificing sugar?

Try a smaller size instead, then. This way, you’re still getting all the goodies you usually do, but not in excess. You don’t hafta sacrifice taste – just amount. I used to get a “short” matcha, extra hot. That way, I could savor it just the same as I usually did with the tall; but I was also forced to drink it more slowly. This was a double benefit because it made me enjoy it for longer and gave me a chance to feel full from the liquid. (Like I don’t when a guzzle a tepid temped tall or grande.)

3. Down less

Okay, so maybe you’re like me. And, you’re not so great at moderating sugary goodness. (Once I hop off the skinny latte bandwagon, it’s just a high fructose downward spiral for me.) So, if you’re ordering a frap, we best believe you’re adding all the fattening trimmings. And ya know what? From a weight loss standpoint, if you’re doing the basic frill free latte every other day of the week, and this is just cheat day, that’s not so bad. Even one of those gross cake pops is fine if it’s only being eaten infrequently. Indeed, much like a Saturday glass of Cabernet, a weekly cheat’s not so bad. (So long as the frap and the Cab aren’t alternating every day.)

4. Down more

Down more shots – that is – of espresso. By adding an extra shot, you can look at it as not getting less sugar, but getting more of America’s most loved drug that’s legal: caffeine. Plus, when you’re enjoying something so potent (and expensive) you can do the liquid equivalent of grazing by drinking it all morning. (Just make sure you’ve got one’ve those sweet reheatable cups.) Protip, though: you’ll wanna stop sipping by noonish if you don’t wanna be awake til twoish the next morning.

In sum, if this triggering infographic caused you the first world problems level of trauma it did to me, hopefully the above advice will help. You can rest assured that getting a daily dose of Starbucks will at least appease that ritualistic need you have to aggregate with the other coffee zombies at the altar of altered consciousness their sweetened to go cups contain. Then, as the scale drops, it’ll almost be a welcome thing, drinking the thing that’s essentially slenderizing you. And should you feel weak, return here weekly to re-read my anti-trigger tips. Sure, that tarty Starbucks is on every block of our fitness paths, singing its sweet siren song and drawing us all in.

But now we have the tools to have our cake pops and watch the scale drop too…