My first time trying stripper fitness…

January 10, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments

“Come on girls. LOOK IN THE MIRROR,” my pole dancing instructor pleaded.

“Would YOU pay to watch you?”

I paused before asking, “Um… you mean, like, at carnival sideshow?”

Now, in my defense, I’d been up since four that morning, done a run before seven, and worked nine hours on my feet in a clinic. So, what possessed me to come to a 9:00 P.M. pole dancing class is beyond me. All I knew is that I might’ve done a bit better if I was a bit fresher. Still, I vowed to make the most of the money I’d spent and give it my best effort as this taut bodied brunette with unworldly somatic maneuvers tried her hardest to make me be sensual.

(Actual footage of me trying to “sexy crawl” across the floor.)

But it was a fantastic workout.

What’s the biggest thing that burned this morning? (Aside from the skin I’m missing?) My core. Or my butt. Wait, no, my thighs… Everything, man. Nothing doesn’t burn. See, while most classes focus on pole work, we also did a prolonged set of these moves on the floor called “tick tocks”. Basically, it’s a whole lot’ve moving your lower legs, while keeping your knees together. The tightness at the middle, mixed with the swiveling of the hips gives it this flirty look that makes a 20-something year old hottie like our booty movin’ guru look enchanting. (And someone like me, reminiscent of a middle aged hip replacement patient trying in vain to regain mobility for the first time in months.)

Then came the sexy pushups. (Think “Hindu Pushup”, but much more slinky and with increased neck movement – really forces you to work out those arms and shoulders.) After that? The backward somersault over your shoulder into a split. The clack of her twenty foot stilettos into the wooden studio floor made these feel even more dramatic and markedly hotter. Meanwhile, the flump of my foot bones and shoulders sounded like when I lazily throw my garbage down the stairs so I don’t have to carry it. “Maybe if I start carrying it more,” I thought, “I’ll have the strength to do these shoulder pole stands she wants me to try.” (Which were next.) Terrified to get both legs up against such a thin region, I still haven’t quite mastered this. (Gimme a break; I’ve only spent ten minutes trying so far.)

(They’ve got a name for everything.)

And if you’re coming here for weight loss – you won’t be disappointed. Granted, I only went one night so far. But hearing some of the stories of pole dancers in the past (coupled with what I saw – and felt – last night), gave me all I needed to know. Granted, you’re not gonna rock a Showgirls bod if you go from the pole to Popeyes (which is literally actually right across the parking lot from it). But, if you keep up with it after getting down the basics, the workout can burn anywhere from 290 to 700 calories, while building the kind of lean muscle that burns more calories than fat does.

Now, that wasn’t me last night. I was definitely still at a while belt stripper level when I left. And, admittedly, as I was wiping down my mat and about to leave, I felt a bit defeated. But, right around that time, was when a bunch of girls individually came up and told me how well I’d done. How flexible I was. How beautiful. How they (who I just saw swiveling around their pole like a flag in an F5 tornado) knew zero a year ago. And – ego boost aside – I realized that this is why these chicks seem so happy and keep coming here. This is why they have such sick, strong bodies, bright eyes, and confidence. It’s not just the fact that they’re holding prolonged squats (great isometric work) while rocking their pelvises like baby cradles. It’s that they’re all there, holding eachother accountable in the most positive way. When someone nails a new, challenging move – they cheer loudly. If someone’s still working on getting a new move, the whole class stops to encourage them on.

(Me, when my instructor held my legs up *for* me…)

This class is all high vibe, yet low maintenance. It’s orderly enough to follow along and feel like you’re accomplishing something, but relaxed enough to have fun. The people are there to have a good time, and break a sweat while also breaking fear barriers. And, when I woke up this morning with my core, arms, and booty burning – that was confirmation enough that it’s also a fantastic, thorough workout that’s worth the effort.

In sum, would I pay to watch me wiggle it against vertical metal?

Not yet.

But I’d legit pay to keep coming back to this class and trying…