Is It Legit Body Positivity If You Need Validation From Strangers?

March 27, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments

Iska Lawrence is awesome.

I’mma just lead with that. After watching the model (and body positivity proponent)’s TED talks, I was on board with her whole “love yoself” campaign. That said, I don’t necessarily agree with some of her perspectives on somatic perception – especially with respect to social media. See, social media’s tricky. It’s a great platform for exchanging ideas and inspiration. However, there’s a thin line between it being that and a validation matrix of massive proportions. We might hop on there to inspire or motivate with our stories. That could totes be our intention. But have you ever reached a crazy fitness milestone you were super proud of? But when you shared it, it got no likes? Were you suddenly less enthused about your accomplishment because of the lack of applause? Boom. Just like that, something that meant so much to you is suddenly meaningless because you didn’t get your digital adulation. Awful, right? Yes. But any genuine self-love advocate knows that it’s not the lack of “likes” that’s awful. Its the dependency on getting a stack of likes that is. That’s why it struck me as funny when she spoke about sharing “before and after” photos online. Of it, she stated that those whose are more dramatic (like someone who got super slim) “will probably be celebrated more online.” More than what? Well, those who’ve gained a healthy heap of weight after an eating disorder or put on muscle to become stronger. Fair enough. However, her takeaway isn’t; her conclusion’s that “we need to say this doesn’t invalidate anyone who doesn’t have a dramatic before-and-after”.

Um… but, like, why?

Why do we “need ” to say one thing or the other? Why do we need to be celebrated whether our transformation story matches that of some beach body goddess or not? When did the validation rectangle in my pocket start calling the shots on whether I take shots of wheatgrass or whiskey? Seriously? Isn’t the sudden and renewed love for life at a healthier weight enough? The ascending energy levels? The stamina to get through not just our workout, but our respective days? Back when I went vegan, I knew for a fact that sharing about my plant based transformation wasn’t gonna be popular with many. I knew it’d get me defriended by many. And I was okay with that. I felt compelled to do it anyway. Why? Because, firstly (as you may know), I get my vegan card revoked if I don’t tell at least twelve new people each day about my cruelty free diet. And, secondly (and more seriously), it’s ’cause of that one person out there who’s scrolling through their feed and sees me – and my story. They may not double tap or thumbs it up. In fact, maybe they’ll resent me at first ’cause they know that A.) I’m right and that B.) if they accept that, they’ve gotta change. (Hard.) But, either way, I’ve planted a plant based seed in their brain. Maybe this person doesn’t go vegan overnight. Maybe they never do, but just start incorporating more greenery and movement into their lives. (Dude, I’ll take it.) “Before ‘n afters” are for that guy too. Why? Because that person was me just a handful’ve years ago. So, I’m just paying it forward. I’m past validation motivating me. I got that in the beginning. (And still do, TBH, IRL when people ask me how I eat so much yet stay so slim – or maintain my youthful radiance.) But, even if I didn’t, I’d still maintain this lifestyle. And I’d still keep sharing it. Why? Because I’ve tried every other way. And the grass can’t get any greener on any other dietary lawn than the one I’ve got. No technological golf clap’s required to confirm that as I reach my hand down the weight loss well to help the next health seeker up.

(Be your own double-tapper and know your’e motivating *some* soul in the process)

I’m not trashing Iska.

I think that she’s probably just forgotten her own fitness role model motives somewhere along the way.

So I’mma help her – and you, if you’re reading this for a reason – to collectively remember:

If you’re confident enough about your journey – if you truly believe in it – then detach yourself from the validation aspect of it. Even after you post those photos. Don’t keep checking back for red hearts. (Wait, is that what color they are on Insta? I can’t even remember, it’s been so long…) Either way, if you’re really popping those pics online for the right reasons, trust that it’s having an effect. On someone. Somewhere. Even when you go sans the congratulations, it’ll motivate some pair’ve peepers sitting in the skull of a person enduring a journey paralleling your own. That’s all it should really be about. Aside from my vegan agenda (vegenda?), I’ll post other stuff too: yoga poses (to promote yoga – not myself), workout stats (to promote cross training, not my awesome PR), and sweaty selfies post Muay Thai of me looking like the joker’s girlfriend’s ugly cousin (because I love a laugh – even at my own expense). I still do that. All the time. Sometimes I get a cavalcade of two-taps on my IG. Other times, I get nada. But, as with my plant based posts, neither really matter to me. I don’t need a party to promote healthy living. The rewards of my renovated lifestyle are the party.

And there’s an open invitation whenever you wanna swing on by.