Why you should compare yourself to others on your weight loss journey
April 18, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments
You know what I was most anxious about before my first trail race?
Other runners.
See, whenever I was enjoying a tranquil trail jog and another human came into view, something strange transpired. If they were quicker than I was, they’d pass me. And then I’d be pissed. And then my run would suck. If they were slower, I’d make an extra effort to pass them. Then, I’d egoically revel in my win. And then I’d be winded. And then, tapped out me struggled for the remainder of my run. And my run sucked, just as much as when I was lapped. Whether I was passed or gassing out after passing someone at sloth speed, my run would suck.
Until I asked myself…. did my run suck?
Or did I?
(Mindblow moment, am I right?)
And you wanna know the funny thing? The same thing would happen in my arse kicking classes (AKA MMA training – which I’d just begun around the time I signed up for this race). See, Bruce Lee started this thing called Jeet Kune Do. And there’s a lot of difficult, tactical arm slapping (actually it’s called “trapping”) moves involved. But, if he’d seen me trying to do it about a year ago, he’d probably have just slapped me. Across the face. For making such a mockery of his art. Seriously, this stuff was hard. Yet those who’d done it for a while made it look so easy. That frustrated me. (To the point where I nearly quit.) Especially since some of those who were super good at it – not just in JKD, but Muay Thai too – made me feel downright dumb (both intentionally and inadvertently) that I wasn’t getting it. Why couldn’t I kick as quickly as Luis? Why didn’t I have the power Mike or Billy did? But, fast-forward to when these intricate maneuvers and techniques finally “clicked”, and guess what? When I had to train with beginners, I was the one feeling that initial tug of frustration.
But that tug immediately tugged at another sentiment.
The sentiment of how I felt, when I was beginning.
And, suddenly, I didn’t want these people to ever feel like I did. I didn’t want them to want to quit. I wanted them to get better. I wanted them to get better the way my black belt friends wanted (and still want) me to get better, when they deign to train with me. (Even though they could be spending their class training with someone at their level – or higher.) So, I changed my training mindset to help them, and also to help myself. While I could give them pointers on technique or how to feed, their inexperience also taught me not to predict anything from my opponent. (Beginners understandably have difficulty getting the drills down.) It also taught me to ready my defense. (New guys with will often go too hard in light sparring, not yet educated in the art of restraint.) And it also taught me how it really feels to gas out during a fight. (Poor feeders make every strike feel like you’ve missed, which takes a helluva lot out’ve you.) That’s when I realized that – whoever’s around you isn’t a catalyst for negative comparison. They’re an opportunity. An opportunity for you to work on certain parts of yourself. When I train with a beginner, I learn things I can work on (as well as bad habits I shouldn’t be doing, like letting my guard fall). And when I train with someone better, I objectively pick up techniques I’d like to install in myself immediately – instead’ve turning those Venum covered knuckles on myself for not being there already. And then I practice all of that, immediately.
These days, my best classes and runs are when I remove my ego completely.
If I’m training with someone capable of making my Thai pads bleed, I try to avoid feeling jealous of their power. I immediately look at what they’re doing and ask myself, am I doing that when I kick? If not, when it’s my turn, I add it in. This exactly happened last class. And it ended up one of my best. Just like how my best runs are now when I can run past someone slower and shout, “Looking great! Keep it up!” or get passed and shout (say it with me), “Looking great! Keep it up!” So many people will try to tell you, “don’t compare yourself to others”. This is cowardice. This is tapdancing around your fragile ego to keep it safe and prevent you from feeling negative. (Protip: this doesn’t work. We always compare. And judge. The trick’s to tweak how we compare and judge to serve us better.) I say, do the brave thing. Compare, but compare with compassion and kindness – both to yourself and the other. If they’re at lower level, use it as a reminder of what not to do, while encouraging them in the right direction – and then make sure your own moves aren’t harboring the same flaws. If they’re at a higher level, be pleased for them – and immediately use it as motivational fuel to integrate in your own training. Let it ignite you, not incense you with envy. Let it inspire you to improve from yesterday-you, not magically morph into them. (Lesson I’ve slowly come to accept: my gams are never gonna make the blast my massive 200 lb linebacker training parter’s do. But they’re gonna be better’n most if I keep learning from and training with him.) Because, whatever our workout is and whoever’s around us, we can always educe our inner black belt or Ussain Bolt by relinquishing our own ego long enough to learn from those around us.
(And make some stellar training pals in the process.)
So, do you, boo.
Use others’ flaws and awesomeness alike to level up, objectively. Use it as a chance to connect. To learn.
And, after that, run your own race. Fight your own fight.
It’ll make you joyous instead’ve jealous and improve your fitness (and life) journey in general.