Is your fitness your significant other’s responsibility?

July 20, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments

In Greek mythology, there’s this fun story:

Basically, there was this war between the gods.

And, afterward, Zeus made this dude called Atlas hold the sky up forever, so it wouldn’t fall earthward. Now, while that was obviously special punishment for Atlas (I’m sure Zeus could’ve totally just fashioned a stilt from a lightning bolt to hold it up or someth), we actually do something just like this to people all the time. And – the funny thing is – we don’t even do it to our enemies. We don’t even do it to mythic characters like Atlas or Zeus capable of handling it. Rather, we do it to the people we love. Mere mortals. We get into these relationships, and promptly expect them to be Odyssey level gods, capable of handling our mental and physical health.

“Everyday is arm day when you’ve got the weight of bae’s probs on your shoulders”

And, as I read through the millionth story about relationships and their effects on weight loss and fitness-in-general, exactly that allegory came to mind. It’s all the same, really. The “my boyfriend helped me get healthy” and the “I gained 25 pounds when I bae’d up” seem all the same to me. Why? Because everything’s ephemeral. I’m interested to know: what happens after you break up? Or one of you dies? (Morbid, I know, but just bein’ real, here). How much of this is for you – and how much of the onus is on “us” – the relationship – versus… you? If they leave, will your healthy changes remain? Or, if their presence is laying the foundation for un-health, why is that? Are you stitched to his hip, which is stitched to the sofa? Can you not leave – either them (for being a bad influence) or your bad habits (to go work out and eat better without them joining you)?

When did we lose site of symbiotic, individual ones – and morph into mutual, parasitic halves?

When it comes to fitness and general well being , we especially hafta ask that of ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not knocking a healthy relache where you guys hit the gym together and eat spiralized zucchini, “Lady and the Tramp”, style. Enjoy that, for sure. But, what I’m saying is: don’t hold out for that. Don’t wait to become your confident, healthy you. Your fitness is yours, not theirs. Get that right first, and your future twosome will feel so much better, secure, and natural – instead of the dependent desperation that turns you into a cruel Zeus tasking your partner with toting your insecurities all over the earth. Because, aside from the prison that is, the wicked karma resulting from that is direct – because it means we hafta hold their insecurities too. A more personal example from the best relache I’ve had thus far is my current “swoll mate”. Bae ‘n I work out together. A lot. But you know what I do on days he doesn’t wanna go to the gym? I go to the gym. Alone. And I love it the same way I did before I was in a romantic dynamic. And ya know what? He does the same damn thing when I don’t wanna go to the gym. If anything, this retention of personal identity and goals keeps us more attracted to each other – and inspired to work harder.

I end on this meme because it’s a hysterical example of what never to do in a relache.

Force fitnessing someone due to our own insecurity’s a great way to make them resent both us and working out in general. And we don’t want either’ve those. I promise, you going solo and coming back from gains day all happy will have a far more profound effect – both on you and on them. Far more than lassoing ’em up like a wild animal and tethering them to a treadmill. In other words, sure, get you a healthy partner who proves to be a good influence. I’m not saying not to bother at all – or to test your luck by keeping company that’s unhealthy. (We are susceptible to whoever we surround ourselves with, so choose your tribe wisely.) But even better than that, is to make sure our journeys are fundamentally ours. Our own journey. Others can augment them. They can encourage us. They can even serve as occasional and accidental catalysts for healthy change. But, that’s all they should be – not the reason we stay healthy. For weight loss and health paths to remain sustainable, we’ve gotta make sure our goals aren’t dependent on whatever our partner’s role is in our world. Because, within that world, only we can hold our health-heavens eternally high above the disappointment-dirt.

So get to lifting that sky, my fellow mighty Titans.

It’s time to go be our own Zeuses and Atlases, all at once.