How to make your weight loss excuses take a seat in 2017

December 29, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

A week from now, many a New Years Resolutioner will already have quit their new fitness regimen.

But many, many more won’t even have gotten that far. Why? Because they can’t afford a gym membership. And they wouldn’t know what to do even if they did sign up and go. And it’s far too cold to be running outside. Right? Alright. Fine. I’ll bite. So Planet Gym is a bit expensive for you. And you’re not up to braving downward temps. That’s fine. But, what if I told you (*pops on Morpheus specs*) you could at least get in a good strength training program… by merely using the same thing your azz is planted on as you read this?

That’s right, my ladies ‘n gents that’ve been stitched to the sofa all Christmas holiday long.

You can use that sofa (or stool… or chair… or ottoman) to get in some killer strengthening. And you can do it by simply committing a few of the following moves to memory and doing them on the daily. From the comfort of your own home, your once comfortable seat can transmogrify into a body transforming machine within a split second – with split squats, triceps dips, box jumps, and many more wonderful arm, leg, and derriere whittling workout moves.

Oh, wait, you dunno what a split squat is?

Then allow me to back up and show you this backside shaping maneuver:

Coming from a regular squat position, tuck one leg behind onto a chair or stool (or that couch that still has a concave bubble in it, in the shape of your rump). And from there – you simply dip into a squat, keeping your weight on your heels, hip in line, and knees from crossing over your toes. Do thirty to fifty on one side, then swap and give the other leg a go. This’ne’s a beautiful bum sculptor.

And, for the arms?

First, you can hit the triceps with this dip:

Keeping your hands facing forward and elbows in, you use the muscles in the back of your arm to slowly lower your body down, and draw it back upward. If you’re a beginner, keep your knees bent. A bit more advanced? Straighten up, and plant your weight on your heels only. Having a tough time powering through? Break the reps up into sets of ten at a time. That makes doing three to five of ’em far easier. Caveat, though: make sure your chair’s sturdy enough to hold your weight as you do this. I’m totally being serious. We don’t wanna have a Shallow Hal moment here that culminates in tail bones breaking.

And then we can hit the other side with couch pushup:

A modification from the regular pushup done horizontal on the floor (which you’re also welcome to do – so long as you’re not doing it face up, with a remote in hand), this is a great way to train those noodles ’til they’re equally sleek and strong. Start with your paws shoulder width away from one another and shuffle your toes on back until your legs’re straight (and your body’s making a diagonal line). After that, you’ll wanna toggle on your abdominals before bending your elbows out and lowering your chesticles couch-ward. The trick? (Aside from not collapsing onto the couch, tempting as it is, fifteen reps in?) To eschew any back-arching or butt-raising. Think plank position as you do this. Then, for the fun part, you push yourself back into the starting position, rinse (in your own sweat) and repeat.

And if that’s not enough, this delightful sprightly little blonde can destroy your abdominals as well:

So, there you have it, my friends. No gyms. No frigid sprinting. No money spent.

Your New Years excuses can officially take a seat.

Literally.