5 Ways Getting “Stretch*d” Will Rob Your Fitness Goals

May 31, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments

I get it.

We live in an instant gratification era. And I’m no exception. Amazon boxes arrive at my door same day so I needn’t leave home. And, when I do (god forbid), my rectangle robot tells me right where to go. We’re all used to everything making our lives easier. Too easy, maybe. It’s tough to know when to take the reigns for ourselves. So, when we hear that a good stretch sesh can maximize our fitness (and thus weight loss efforts), it might be tempting to search for someone who can do it for us. And, indeed, getting stretched (or should I say “Stretch*d“) is the latest trend in bending. Unlike yoga, where you hafta do all the work yourself though, you can just sit there and have someone do it all for you. They make it hella tempting too. With the swanky modern lobbies with sexy CBD treats at the front desk, who wouldn’t be intrigued? Hell, even I am.

That said, I’mma stick with my DIY limb limbering.

And here’s five very good reasons you might want to as well.

1. Discipline

Discipline’s one’ve those words that’s gotten destroyed by your teachers and your mom.

(And, Arnold Schwarzenegger, possibly.)

People think of discipline as being tantamount to punishment. But, really, it’s not. Not when you do it yourself. It’s actually more of a structural thing. It’s something you set. You decide what you’re going to do, when, and how. And you keep coming back to it before and after every workout because it makes you feel good and perform better. Yes, you’re disciplining yourself to do it. Yes, you have to keep coming back to it. But, in the end, you get good results because you did that. Not some rando you overpaid and wasted an hour with. You. And that’s validating. And validation is what keeps you motivated to keep making good lifestyle choices in all the other areas of your wellness journey too.

2. Awareness

When you’re stretching, something interesting happens. If your mind’s doing schizo sprints, you tense up. And that means nothing ever actually stretches out. But, by getting present (as my hippie pals call it) while stretching, you’re kinda getting a two for one. Sure, you’re getting the stretch benefits by forcing yourself to focus. But, by forcing yourself to focus, you’re also honing the focus part of your brain. See, any time we consistently practice something, we get better at that. If you practice a lot of piano, you get good at that. If you practice a lot of laying on a table and letting someone else stretch you, you get really good at being as lazy as a Wall-E fatso. But, if you practice awareness while actively stretching, you become bomb at both focused awareness and somatic command. And that will carry over not only to the diet and exercise sections of your life – but the ones dealing with work, relationships, and other stuff too. And that’s invaluable.

3. You call the shots

And that somatic command’s no small deal. I mean, who knows your body better than you? If I’m getting a massage and Mischka goes too hard, my back meat clams right up. I’m tense for the rest of the sesh. I’ve ceased to trust Mischka. And that applies whether she’s pushing or pulling on me. In fact, I may be too tense to even do a good workout later. But you know who you can always trust? Ya damn self. More gracefully put, you know your limits and needs. If a stretch feels too far, you’ve got an inbuilt braking system to prevent plummeting past that point. Mischka doesn’t.

4. It’s free

Let’s play a quick thought experiment called Sally versus Sandra. Sally goes to the stretch salon after a trip to the gym next door with a $10 drop in fee. She forks out fifty or more bucks to get bent by a stranger. She pays for some CBD and aromatherapy junk on the way out, and goes home around 100 bucks in the hole. Probably more ’cause the front desk roped her into a year contract after she was relaxed with her inhibitions low. Now, Sandra, on the contrary did a bit’ve dynamic stretching on her yoga mat before a trail run, came home, and ended with some relaxing Youtube yin yoga sesh. Is Sally or Sandra more dependent on others to maintain their weight loss and fitness goals? And which one has more money for a cute new wardrobe filled with dresses the next size down? Who do you wanna be? Needy, poor, and dependent like Sally? Or a self sufficient boss bish like Sandra?

($45 for less than 30 minutes? Only thing they’re stretching’s your wallet…)

Plus: You know who’ll give you a passive half hour stretch for far cheaper if you need it?

A physical therapist. #Insurance

5. Science

But don’t trust me. Trust science. And if you look up active (AKA you doing the stretch) passive (someone else stretching you) stretching, you’re gonna get mixed reviews. (But head to PubMed for some peer reviewed, evidence based research that’s not biased ‘n fake.) What’s more, it’s often dependent on a few factors. For example – which body part are you stretching? How often you’re doing it? Is it static or dynamic? Ideally, you’d wanna Gumby your muscles out daily. (More than that if they’re super tight.) Can you afford to get stretched that frequently? I can’t even afford that shiz once a month. And, even if you can, the differences in the muscle groups that do better with a muscle buddy aiding in your lengthening sesh isn’t even significant enough to justify going broke to get bent.

In the end, it’s up to you if you wanna get “Stretch*d”. And I’ll admit – it does sound like a fun novelty. Ya know, like a sensory deprivation tank. Or one of those piranha pedicures. That said, you will definitely get more out’ve your fitness path from a daily practice that instills discipline and inspiration. It’ll carry over to your dietary and exercise decisions, give you bodily autonomy, better your connection to yourself, and provide momentum to your motivation levels.

Because, despite what you hear, feeling great and losing weight doesn’t hafta mean losing money.