Will Costco’s Latest Frozen Treat Make You Lose Weight?

August 8, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments

Heard about the new dessert, have ya?

(“And it’s made from acai! The weeeeight lossssss berry!”)

Okay, okay. Let’s take a step back here. Because I always hear about how healthy acai is and how it’s gonna make me lose weight. But, at the end of the day, I couldn’t confirm that. I don’t even know what TF it does. (Do you?) And companies, with all their “skinny teas” and such are banking on that ignorance. That’s why they’ll tell you their acai teas help you be more metabolically efficient, cut cravings, and process food more quickly. And that’s awesome. But… is it true? We’ll never know. Because the FDA doesn’t oversee supplements. So, there’s no one to keep them honest about whatever’s on that label. They could tell you the berries’ll turn you into a young Halle Berry, and no one could stop them. Meanwhile, you do lose weight because’ve the laxatives that’re low key being packed into them.

(Protip: that’s not love handle fat or inner thigh thickness you’re shizzing out.)

But let’s not throw the berries out with the myth water.

Because there are still plenty of redeeming factors about these fruits and stuff you find ’em in that we haven’t considered. For example, these berries are great sources of antioxidants – the stuff that fights off free radicals causing cellular damage. (And making ya azz feel and look old and washed up.) Second, some of those teas (the ones not packed with bowel evacuaters) have a redeeming factor. And that’s that the hot tea fills your belly up and (if the caffeine content’s not too high) hydrates you. That alone can cure misinterpreted cravings for aqueous restoration that we often mistakenly perceive to be peckishness. And, even if there is a bit of caffeine, sometimes that can serve as an appetite suppressant (which can be good if we reserve it for during a time we typically tend to overeat). So, you get the antioxidant benefit and the weight loss element of literally any other tea, lightly infused with a stimulant. Now, could you accomplish the same with something more basic and less sexy? Like green tea and red grapes? Absolutely. But, if you just bought a box and are lamenting the thought of wasting money thanks to my atomic bomb of facts, just finish the stuff and buy the cheaper thing later. No bigs.

Third is the acai bowl. This is the most common way I hear about acai being eaten. Not in a smoothie. Not in a tea. It’s in a bowl with other fruit and oats and goodies. And, TBH, this may be the single best way to get your acai – especially if you’re having it at breakfast. Why? Because, sure you’re combating the free radicals with the acai. But you’re also having the high fiber and water content from the other fruits – coupled with the satiating oats that keep you content for far longer than any other breakfast food. Which means you won’t feel the need to reach for an excess of sugary treats later. But, even if you do reach for any (and this brings us full circle to the product in question), those chilly logs Costco’s selling might not be the worst choice. There’s still a redeeming factor to these things. (Even if they aren’t quite as good for you as he acai bowl.) And it’s the same reason I bought those Wegman’s fruit Popsicles a month ago and still have a ton left in the fridge.

Brain freeze.

(“You want your sugar? Then be prepared to suffer for it!”)

If you’re a piggy like me, you may tend to wolverine style annihilate toothsome food. And, given the fact that these badboys are bite sized, that’s dangerously tempting to do. The silver lining? Much like a morphine drip, they’ve got a natural titration quality built into them via their gelid temps. Because they’re cold, it means we hafta slow down on our sorbet grazing, giving our bodies a chance to feel full before we reach for another bite of delicious brain freeze.

So what’s the verdict?

The verdict’s that, while this may not be a magical dietary dessert that’ll make you drop weight overnight, it’s a helluva lot better than some’ve the vegan versions of ice cream that advertise as low cal and then secretly have a shiz ton of sugar, sodium, or fat to compensate for it, making all our back ends bigger in the end anyway. My suggestion? Grab that acai bowl in the morning first. Then, go ahead. Buy a box’ve these cold, ho ho looking, sorbet sweets, and enjoy them guilt free. First, the filling breakfast bowl you ate earlier will keep you from wanting to overdo your snacking. Plus, even though they won’t make you lose weight (like so many companies promise), you also won’t be adding inches to your midsection that the other waist widening lies from the frozen aisle do.