Why this revamp of the KonMari Method is better for weight loss

November 13, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

Ditching skinny slacks you’re trying to fit back into may not be your best bet for weight loss.

But you know what is?

Chucking the stuff that reinforces a poor self image regardless of your weight.

(I hate this dress so much that I refuse to open my eyes and look at it.
Or wear both straps.)

In fact, there’s this one approach called the KonMari method, which centers around evicting shiz from your wardrobe that you’re needlessly hanging onto. You know what I mean. All those things you keep hanging onto, hoping they’ll look good when you’re having a super cute day? Even though they’ve shrunk, aren’t your color, or just’ve gone the way of the Velveteen Rabbit after eons of being worn ‘n washed? They need to go. Now, note this isn’t for you minimalist I-wisely-only-keep-around-a-few-things sorts who are thinking I’m an idiot to be so wasteful. Rather, this is for my fellow pack rats. You people who’ve hung onto your Hollister halters from high school even after passing thirty.

Granted, the way it’s explained in the book sounds a bit hippie-ish. (As in, they tell you to pick up each article of clothing and ask yourself, “Does this bring me joy?”) And while tapping into your feelings can be a great way to connect with the stuff that covers your body, sometimes that can be detrimental. Especially if it just cultivates indecision and prolongs the agony of parting with your duds that are duds. That’s why I’ve developed a slightly modified method. See, first, I throw all the clothes on my floor – right next to a pile of hangers and two garbage bags. Then, I (quickly) go through all the stuff I’ve got. And for each piece, I rapidfire ask myself whether it A.) still fits – or ever will without looking weird, B.) has been worn in the past two years, C.) only hasn’t been worn because it fell down behind my drawers whereupon I blamed its disappearance on the clothing klepto gnomes, or D.) has stains or holes.

(Protip: give yourself a time deadline.
The reminder of a looming alarm clock’s an excellent GPS if you get lost in Feels-ville.)

And then, from there, the decision’s simple. If I either wear it a lot or have the potential to fit in it again, I put it on those hangers. That is – unless I haven’t worn it in two years (maybe the color sucks on me, the fit makes me look fat even at my most Victoria’s Secret meets Victoria Beckham, or it’s not my style o’ choice anymore). From there, anything that I don’t realistically see gracing my flesh temple ever again, ends up in one of those two aforementioned trash bags: the one that’s heading to the Goodwill (no holes or terrible stains – and that’s a tax write off for those who need supplemental motivation to not just throw it away) and the ones that’s destined for the refuse bin. The trick? Dismissing any of that nostagliac crap. All of those “but I’ve had this since…” or “I met my hubby in this” type’ve thoughts are sent strictly to sabotage your efforts toward an optimal closet cleansing experience. Don’t listen to them demons. Self doubt and indecisiveness are collectively the enemy. As a yes-and protip, if you’ve found something you forgot about and aren’t sure if it looks good on you – then take a tip from that character chick in the gif above. ’cause Cher Horowitz’s “Clueless” poloraid selfie method is actually an excellent supplemental method. Prop that camera up and catwalk that badboy, home movie style. Then decide, quickly, whether to chuck it or cherish it.)

Essentially, my spin on this isn’t terribly different. It’s just that my mod takes into consideration my horrible habit of ruminating too much about everything. Because, while the OG KM Method may be best for some, I’m the type where if I tap into my feels, I come up with too many excuses to keep the wretched threads around. And before I know it, I’m trying on this pale pink crew neck for the eleventy-millionth time (hoping it’ll look cute tonight, even though it always makes me look like Chunk a la “Goonies”). Then, naturally, after my solo fashion show of failery, I end up spending Friday night in, eating my feelings because looking like an awkward monster’s obviously my destiny if that crew neck’s still so ill fitting after losing fifteen pounds. Reminder: even at our schmexiest, certain styles are just straight-up unflattering. If what you’re wearing feels unflattering, you don’t need it around. In fact, why not just keep around the stuff that does makes us feel good? Why not transmogrify our closets into amusement parks filled with nothing but a bunch of rides our bodies go on again ‘n again ’cause they make it feel gleeful? And augment its best assets?

(New rule: make your cupboard a club that exclusively admits only clothes that remind you of all the compliments you get when you wear ’em.)

But, wait…. How exactly does this play into weight loss?

Heavily (pun totally intended). Because, whether you’re doing it KonMari’s way, my way, or the millions of other ways that’re out there, there’s something to be said for the correlation between decluttering and weight loss. Why? The science behind it offers a lot of suggestions. First, there’s the fact that clutter stresses us out. With that comes weight gain from raised cortisol levels as well as stress eating. Then, there’s the pattern circuitry of your brain, where habits in one area overflow into others. In other words, if you’re keeping your environment clean and putting only what’s needed in it, you might be more likely to treat your body similarly. It just so happens that when it comes to the closet, you get a double whammy effect. Why? Because the stuff that either enhances or exacerbates your self image every day lives in there. (Maybe that’s why so many French chicks are so slim – they’re stereotypically the minimalist chifferobe princesses of the world.) My yes-and to this? That the longer I take to do this by exhausting myself with overindulgent how-do-I-feel-about-this-ness, the more stressed out I get. And, I dunno about you, but I’d prefer to purge without feelings of guilt for finally relinquishing nostalgia pieces that needed to go eons ago. Which is why I subtract asking that whole joy inquiry.

Thus, if you’re an overthinker like yours truly – simply simplify KonMari’s procedure into what I call “Ashley’s Rational Trashing Method”. Do the math and then trash what’s not rational for you to keep because it’s silently ninja sinking into your subconscious and smiting your self image and fitness goals. Just consider the cold hard facts. (AKA the stuff mentioned above about how frequently you actually wear it or whether you actually ever will.) No keeping things around that are furtively pulling you down while bringing your weight up. No joy searching. No deep feelings.

No threads attached.

Best’ve luck ridding yourself of those dreadful threads and excess el-bees alike!