Six Weight Loss Friendly Ways To Resurrect Your Easter Basket (Part 1)
March 31, 2018 Ashley 0 Comments
Are you a last minute Easter shopper?
Doing those baskets at the last second again? It’s okay. If you’ve had a week anything like mine, I’ll totally let it slide. But you know what we shouldn’t let slide? A deluge of diabetes down our throat holes – yet again – because we bought a bunch’ve candy on “accident” that didn’t fill all the kids’ baskets. Sure, it might be meant for the kids. But who are we kidding? When it comes to holidays that leave leftover sugar all around the house, Easter ranks way up there. It’s basically the Jesus equivalent Halloween. And, before we know it, those weight loss goals for summer’ve gone out the window. But don’t blame it on J-man. He didn’t come back from getting dead with the aim of making you gain weight. In fact (and I’m a bit rusty on the biblical front, so don’t quote me on this, but) I think the origins of this holiday might not have squat to do with refined fructose oozing eggs or anthropomorphized rabbits. I mean… I don’t remember anyone preaching about popping Peeps in the name’ve Jeezy, do you?
(I stand corrected.)
Again, I might be totes wrong. So def correct me in the comment section if I am. But, in the super crazy off chance that I am correct, this is great news. Fabulous, even. Because it means none of us have to make ourselves (or loved ones) fat anymore. It means that contributing to both childhood obesity and our own each Easter is a thing of the past. It’s a silly tradition anyway, isn’t it? Chucking a bunch’ve un-health in a bucket to celebrate spirituality? I mean, if you’re legit religious (and not just doing this to get some Hallmark holiday jollies), then you could even look at that one list of the God rules to confirm it. Isn’t there something about gluttony on there? See? Even the dude you’re celebrating’s against it! Alright, so now that I’ve crucified your formerly bad habits we’ve all agreed are terrible and sacrilegious, let’s resurrect our Easter baskets! How? With productive, novel, and fulfilling fun for everyone, duh. Let’s get to the replacement items, shall we?
1.) Instead of Cadbury Eggs… do IOU’s
(“What the sh*it is this?”)
Okay, it might be a tough transition at first.
But if you make the IOU’s juicy enough, the disappointment’ll end quickly. My family was great at these during Christmastime. It’s just what it sounds like: “I owe you”. It’s a written and signed promise to fulfill some fun obligation later. It could be anything from a play date at the park to getting a new puppy. To make it fun, plant some’ve those plastic eggs either inside the basket – or around the house or yard for the kids to find – and simply slip some promises in ’em, fortune cookie style. (Just don’t make like my parents and fail to ever actually carry out the IOU…#PermaTrustIssues)
2.) Instead of a chocolate rabbit… a talking rabbit
No, I don’t mean the creepy bastard above.
I mean the new “Peter Rabbit” flick is out in theaters. As much as a I loathe going to the movies, if that’s the kinda thing your whole fam can have a blast doing, do it. (Plus I hear it’s pretty good.) Then, on the other hand, if you just thought “I hate sitting in a theater too!”, then I got you covered too. Have your kids seen “Hop”? It’s got James Marsden, the chick from the Big Bang Theory, and the bunny antagonist ejects jelly beans from his sphincter. (Which is exactly what I think of jelly beans anyway) What more could you ask for? Fun for the whole fam! Nab the DVD from your local Target or Best Buy, and voila. Perfect basket contents.
3.) …or go for the real deal
(Just look at that face. It’s as if squeezing the life force out its body like a tiny Anaconda is strengthening her own)
I mean, who needs animated rabbits when you can go pet some furry f’real ones?
Petting farms just love doing events this time’ve year. They bring a bunch of bunnies out so they can be terrified and tortured by an endless sea of filthy fingers all day. It’s great. (But still a better story than buying a bunny and dumping it off at the shelter next month when you remember that you don’t have time to keep another creature alive.) So, have fun with it! Take the kids, make some memories, take some pictures, and slather them on Instagram to remind your mom squad how much better and healthier and creative you are than them.
What’s that? The basket just doesn’t feel the same without snacks?
Well, by all means, put some in there!
Read on for the final three Easter basket replacements you need this year…