I need Nike’s new Ironman shoe yesterday.

March 18, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

So, a few months ago, I ran a trail race.

And I would’ve beat my time (*insert villain voice from “Scooby Doo” and a fist shake here*) had it not been for my pesky shoes unlacing themselves halfway through. Thrice did I knot those naughty feet sheaths. And thrice did they unlace, making me have to break my flow, lean over, and reassemble my tarsal corset. Inconvenient. All this untying was trying my nerves and effing up my time. But it was my first race, so I tried not to kick myself over it. What I will be kicking, though, are my kicks – just as soon as I get my hands (feet?) on (in?) these new ones Nike’s coming out with:

The Nike HyperAdapt 1.0

Finally, Nike’s come out with a shoe that makes laces a thing of the past.

Granted, I could just go old school and rock the velcro like two and ninety-two year olds do. But that doesn’t offer much support, does it? Contrarily, much like an Ironman suit for your roots, the HyperAdapt wraps around your foot – conforming based on how much grip or wiggle room you want between you ‘n your shoe. First, you Cinderella your flipper into it. And, whether you’re princess material or an ugly stepsister, it’ll still work with you because your heel hits this sensor in the back which’ll make it tighten. From there, you can tweak the tightness manually via side sensors.

 

“When you step in, your heel will hit a sensor and the system will automatically tighten,” explains Tiffany Beers, Senior Innovator, NIKE, Inc., and the project’s technical lead. “Then there are two buttons on the side to tighten and loosen. You can adjust it until it’s perfect.”

 

Boom. No more laces. No more mid-race pauses to readjust my rubber foot covers.

Unfortunately, though, later and awesomer versions of these Nikes’ll also nix those faux excuses to pause mid jog when you’re actually outta breath but don’t wanna admit it. For now, sure, you can still blame your laces for a running recess. (“I have to readjust my sensor…”) But while these beta booties may require a bit of manual adjusting, the hopes and dreams for its grandchildren (according to Nike) are sneakers that conform in real time like some gnarly martian skin slowly taking over your body.

Just like the culmination of this (clickable picture’s) video ad deftly demonstrates:

(Yes. Exactly what’s missing from my battles against the flamethrower flanked, acid spitting, sky robots.)

’til then, we’ll all be content to settle for these kicks fit for Tony Starks.

Well, that is, we can be – by next Christmas. And only if we’re Nike+ members.

Looks like my next race is gonna be to the Nike+ app.