Can you get a swan neck from… stretching?

September 8, 2015 Ashley 0 Comments

So, you thought when you lost weight, you’d suddenly look like a Viccy’s Secret Angel.

It doesn’t make sense. You’ve worked hard. You’ve got the swimmer arms. You can finally see your own cheekbones. (Or feet, for that matter.) So, what’s missing here?

Could it be… your neck?

I’ve seen this many a time.

I see it in people who’ve had life-long bad self-esteem.

Those who spend too much time being Mozart on a laptop piano from the quiescence of their cubicle.

And – yes – from those suffering from FFS (formerly fat syndrome).

Whatever category you fall into, it’s never fun to look like you’ve had a neck-ectomy. And, as a yes-and to my postural article that precedes this one (I’d highly suggest reading that one first to learn how to perfect your model-y shoulder posture), today, we’re gonna learn about exercises you can do to help lengthen your neck. While the extra few length increments you get may not be permanent like plastic surgery bone breaking is, if you commit to doing ‘em daily, it just might. And, while I get that some of us just aren’t born swans – that some’ve of us just have shorter head pedestals – it doesn’t mean we have to settle for ugly duckling hunchbackery. In fact, as someone who’d all but resigned herself to the fact that her sternum and chin just had their own unique anatomical junction, I can vouch for the fact that these exercises will likely help at least a little. If you give ‘em a try.

(Note the magically flatter tummy and longer neck in point five moves…)

But first let’s look at what the problem is:

Much like the shoulder and back article, yes, the problem is posture. But that doesn’t tell you much, does it? Specifically, what happens is that when you sit forward for long periods – whether that time’s spent on a smartphone or commuting between public hell and private hell – you’re spending that whole time overworking the neck and pec muscles that hold you in that posture. Generally, it’s those stern sterno muscles in the front of your neck – the ones that feel like a built-in triangle bikini top’s pulling you forward any time you try to stand up straight. But the shoulders and bordering body beef also end up collaborating to kill your posture. And, in the end, you end up looking like the Pixar lamp.

“I hear what you’re saying, mom.
But if it’s genetic, how come it improves when I straighten out with these hinges god gave us?”

So, the fix?

Well, whereas in the last article on shoulders we were focusing on strengthening the subscapular shoulder muscles to correct shoulder posture… here, we wanna stretch the tight neck and shoulder muscles in question. However, both are quite necessary to work on. Generally, I do this part first. So, where do we start?

This awkward looking thing called the sterno stretch:

(AKA the “cutting off my carotid”).

It’s often not until I do this one and get a shiz load of relief that I realize just how much stress and tightness I was holding there. Also, with my head suddenly out of the dog-sniffing-the-floor-for-scraps posiche, I feel taller. More graceful. Ballerina-esque. Okay, maybe not that great. Not yet. But that’s only ‘cause I haven’t stretched my traps or levator yet. And it’s crucial to Gumby those upper traps. Otherwise there tends to be this domino effect of muscle shortening proportions when all the neighboring meat groups on your bod tense up too. How’dya do that? Like this:

(AKA the “listening to my shoulder”.)

Next (Neckst? No? Mmk.) comes the levator muscle. Because this one comes up around the backside of your head, it’s super important to liberate your levator if you want it to stop sucking your neck into the anterior abyss. Here’s how to get that badboy:

(AKA the “my pits smell, lol”.)

Then? The neck-front:

(AKA the “Why god why”.)

And then… them pecs:

(AKA the “free the nipples”)

Finally, now that you’ve got an unstable accordion cradling your cranium, it’s necessary to target your posterior neck muscles to keep you neck up and back (or else the anterior ones will just return to holding your brain filled bowling ball down and forward instead again – espesh if the most action your butt gets is your office swivel seat.) How? With this li’l series of gems:

1.) Start with a basic chin tuck:

(Yes, ironic fact: to get a long neck, you have to look like you have a double chin for 30 seconds at a time, several times a day.)

2.) Then progress:

(Note the arrow on this unfortunate looking character. Back *and* up is the key. So is the resistance of a wall-ball)

3.) Then, when you’re r’ly good:

(This one’s fantastic, if you remember the up ‘n back bit from part 2.)

But, as a health care profesh, I’d be remiss if I didn’t list the non-aesthetic important stuff here. And that’s this: if you’re noticing any strange symptoms (i.e. pain) or feel more like the confused dog meme than a tranquil, graceful swan, then pause, click the X up top of this box, and go schedule an appointment with your P.T., chiro, or that patchouli scented lady who balances your chakras. In fact, you should probably do that anyway if you’ve got that bad of posture. It’ll save you from turning into one of those kyphotic geriatrics I see fumbling down the parking lot and missing their car because the only direction they can comfortably look anymore is down.

Well, my lovelies, I hope this helps a tad.

Let’s all do a 30 day challenge with this one together.

Neck stretches every day till pumpkin spiced lattes are back.

We can suck ‘em down through our new giraffe throats.