Can kombucha turn me into a slender superhero?
December 11, 2015 Ashley 0 Comments
So I tried kombucha for the first time the other day.
And mayhaps my review shared with Facebook describes it best:
But let’s backtrack a bit.
Why the fluff would I voluntarily try this stuff in the first place?
Well, it wasn’t until this past month – when I got sick for the first time in, like, two years – that I realized something. There I was, huffing and puffing ten minutes into my usual thirty minute long run, with lungs overtaken by viral induced debris. And the thought occurred to me. Anyone who wants to lose or maintain weight has to have a good foundation first. A strong immune system. And I, admittedly, had been remiss with my crucial vitamin foods in the weeks leading up to my illness. And my sleep. And my eating schedule. Thus, I suffered for it in the form of a three week long illness that’s still not completely freed me from its clutches. And a couple pound weight increase, thanks to the shorter workouts. (Which, for me, will always be two pounds too many unless I get knocked up or knocked out by a mac truck resulting in an extended hospital holiday.) A change was needed. I had to prevent this mess again in the future. That’s when I saw someone Insta-post this kombucha drink. And, while more modern science refuses to do much research on the stuff, the testimonials speak for themselves. This thing’s both a pound dropper and a body function fortifier.
If you’re not familiar, kombucha’s this sweetened tea made with live cultures (aka yeast and bacteria.) And while that sounds kinda gross, it’s sort’ve like a version of a vegan’s answer to yogurt (as far as getting your dose o’ probiotic goes.) And while the taste’s every bit as disgusting in application as it sounds in theory, I noticed a split between my commenting friends. Some concurred it was the worst thing to happen to their mouths since Starbucks changed its seasonal drink recipes. Others swore by it, like my gorgeous friend Courtney.
In fact, homegirl says she’s been drinking it on the regular for nearly a decade.
And, as I’m on an openminded path, I decided that just trying it once wasn’t enough. (Also, Courtney and my other friends who’ve been living off the obnoxious cocktail have aged incredibly well and managed to stay super slim.) And while I wasn’t ready to give the stuff a second go just yet (still suffering PTSD from taste test number one), I was willing to research it for the sake of my lovely readers just to see what so many other people are getting out of this that I’m clearly missing. Is it like wine? You try it when you’re a kid and hate it – but the buzz is worth the barf reflex? Except, in this case, you feel superhuman instead’a superstupid by the time you reach the bottom of the bottle? And superschmexy once that extra layer of you melts off?
Indeed, there are numerous reported health benefits.
For example, if you’re a vegan like I am, it’s a good way to get a dose of “good” tummy bacteria (which is helpful for all around health.). Which, of course, leads us to the main reason you came here: weight loss. Firstly, with your tummy bacteria all in check thanks to your critter infused tea, your digestive function’s augmented, meaning you’ll shed those excess pounds faster. Secondly, the common response you’ll hear from ‘bucha sippers is the sudden, extra energy they get from it. And, as we all know, when we’ve got more energy, we’re more likely to want to do those workouts we normally find excuses to avoid. And, finally, one of the great ways you can lose weight with this stuff is simply by when you take it. Since it’s suggested you chug the stuff before you grub, that helps satiate the thirst aspect of your “hunger” (so you don’t make the mistake of thinking thirst is hunger, and thus overeating).
(Plus, with all these enticing flavors, it’s like a meal in itself.)
Now, while many of the medical journals will tell you that “not much research has been done” and to “beware”, I tend to think this is the same thing you see with the yerba mates or wild lettuce extracts of the world. It’s that whole “price tag versus hazard sign” thing. (A title I may have just made up, but rings true nonetheless.) If the “health” care field can’t profit off something, then they try to make it sound unsafe so you’ll go for their expensive prescriptions in lieu. And while the Kombucha concoction – or its research- may not be funded by big pharma, it has actually been studied since the beginning of the 20th century in other areas. For example, Russian and German research noted that it can aid in the resistance against cancer, help avoid cardiovascular diseases, help digestion to function better, boost your immune system, reduce inflammation, induce weight loss, and provide an array of other health benefits.
You know, the moment I put up that post, I started getting a flood of messages.
(I’d no idea there were so many closet kombuchers.)
It’s funny, too because I was going to try to hunt down some testimonials. But here they were, coming to me instead. And, between the “mental clarity”, sudden abilities to eat foods they had “allergies” to before, and magical fat shedding, I was sold. This stuff was starting to sound like some IRL liquid version of that “Limitless” pill.
(Even Stackhouse’s getting amped on this f’real fairy blood. #retroreferences #istruebloodalreadyretro?)
Granted, I’m not ready to initiate round two just yet.
But I’m sold enough to tell you that indeed, this might be something worth trying. However, do be forewarned (and, this isn’t fear-mongering just general advice), it does contain a negligible amount of alcohol in it. So, if you’re a recovering hyper-imbiber and something like cough syrup sets off your trigger system, then this might too. As someone who doesn’t drink anymore myself, however, I can safely say this stuff did not make me wanna break out some sauvignon and throw a party to bust open my sobriety piñata.
In sum, while the description at the top still stands for me, personally, don’t let that deter you. I mean, if you’re in a shaky level of alc. recovery and have any doubts, I’d suggest using discretion and conferring with other reformed booze guzzlers who’ve given it a try. If you’re a preggo or breastfeeding mom, maybe avoid it. If you’re the I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing dog, then mayhaps go for store bought instead’a brewing your own batch. But that’s all up to you. And if you’re just a free-spirit like I was a few days ago, thinking it might be the missing bit on your bridge to fitness? Go for it. Give it a try, if you like. Just ‘cause it’s not my cup of tea (With yeast. And bacteria.) yet doesn’t mean it won’t be yours.
And, as ever, be sure to return and report after whether it activated any good stuff.
(Or just gag reflexes.)