The literal hack that keeps your veggies fresh

February 10, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

Is your celery sort of saggy?

Broccoli a bit floppy?

Carrot kinda comatose?

“It’s not you; it’s me. I promise.”

No, these aren’t phallic metaphors. We’re talking about something worse today: impotent veggies. ’cause there’s nada worse than buying a bushel of healthful plant parts only to watch them wither in your fridge within days. It’s tough enough, keeping a clean and healthy diet without giving into temptation. And when your food’s wilting, your willpower can follow suit. Many a time has this happened to me. I’ll get home after my daily grind, looking forward to my fresh cruciferous pre-dinner snack…. only to see it rocking a posture that matches my own, post-workday one. It’s almost as disappointing as when my beverage gets effed up by the new guy at the cafe. But unlike my hot matcha, you don’t have to throw a scalding cup of carrots at whoever sold it to you in order to make your point and achieve a resolution. Actually, the answer’s to do the opposite: chop off the bottom, stick the tip in chilled agua, and watch it revive before your eyes within fifteen minutes.

Honestly, I don’t know how this never occurred to me before. People do it with Christmas trees or store bought roses all the time. (Keeping flowers alive never was my forte.) So, obviously the same would happen with my plant food. In fact, according to the produce pros, a bouquet of broccoli steeped in H2O is one way to go. All you do is pop the head of broc stem down, into a bowl (or vase, if it’ll fit in your fridge) that’s got about half an inch of water at its bottom. Protip, if you’re new to the wonderful world of veggies: remember that its afro side should stick outta the bowl. After that? All you do is stow it in that vertical cooling cabinet that holds all’a your other spoil-able snacks.

(Protip: this also doubles as an excellent, edible vegan Valentine arrangement.)

And if you really wanna be hardcore about it, give your food a plastic bag doo-rag (perforated with a few holes so that the air can get to it) and change its water often, like you would your pup’s. And why go through all this effort? Because your wallet’ll thank you when your veggies don’t need replacing in three days. And your nose’ll thank you in five to seven when it doesn’t smell like someone’s been avidly flatulating in your fridge. With either the broccoli bouquet or the slice ‘n steep method, your shiz’ll stay “on fleek” for up to a week.

So, if your cauliflower’s flaccid, remember the best hack’s to hack, hydrate, and arrange like hydrangeas.