Starbucks’ Fall menu: trick your bod into staying slender while treating yourself
September 29, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments
Do you have basic bish syndrome?
You know – where you love Starbucks’ Fall flavors…
But don’t want to fall out of your favorite skinny jeans while enjoying them?
“All the pumpkin spice everything, please.
And make it extra hot so it’s still drinkable after I selfie snapchat it”
I hear you.
When I heard about latest savory drank – the chile mocha – I teleported to my nearest chain cafe and ordered the biggest size I allow myself at ‘bucks: a tall. It’s been a downward spiral into spicy caffeinated addiction ever since. I don’t even know how many days it’s been since I ordered my first one. I just leave my Visa with the barista and tell her that if she has my beverage ready by the time I arrive each morning, she can charge herself a li’l extra for tip.
And, by rights, I thought I should be at least an inch in diameter wider by now. Because, even though I get the non-fatty soy version, a chile mocha’s just sugar and spice (and crack, arguably), but nada nice for my waistline. However, I’m doing alright. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t advocate the ingestion of refined sugar as a weight loss supplement. The caffeine’s a stimulant. The sugar gives you a short burst of energy, then converts quickly to fat in that fleshy residence you occupy. So, let’s call a thing a thing. ‘bucks beverages – holiday or not – aren’t healthy. But there is a way to enjoy the lesser of these evils (that’re now coming out before it’s even Halloween) without all that premature pound packing that’ll happen inevitably in a couple months anyway.
For example, I’ve managed to curtail mocha induced corpulence by tweaking the basic bish’s order (which is usually a grande, with all the trimmings). And what is it that I do? Well, as mentioned above, I have my own sizing system for ‘bucks. Tall is the largest I’ll order, and something called a “short” (which they don’t show on the menu sizes, but it totally exists) is my small. Typically, I’ll order only a short. Why? Well, why not? It’s got the shot I need in there. Anything more is just excessive, really. (Don’t praise me too much – I’ve been known to order two in a day, depending on how long my shift at the clinic is #dontjudge.)
“Thanks, boss. But you can just start sending these to the building beside us with the Green mermaid.”
Even so, the difference, calorie-wise, is massive – from 80 to 100 calories in a mere four ounces.
And, aside from sizing, I’ll also alter the milk option, ordering soy milk instead’ve the regular moo milk. Why? Because, in addition to its high protein content, I’m also skipping all that saturated fat that I don’t need. (Bonus for both me and some bovine baby out there being deprived of mama’s udder, I suppose.)
Then, for the whipped-cream-on-top style final flourish, I skip the whip altogether. Granted, the glob size you get on a given specialty beverage is subject to change depending on how stingy or generous the architect of your java is feeling with the edible, ivory colored fluff can that day. However, the standard difference between having that soft dollop and not… is a whopping 60 calories.
So, there you go. Simple switches to ditch the extra inches.
But let’s break it down with some actual numbers, shall we?
See, a grande chile mocha’s gonna cost you 350 calories…
However, as a short with no whip? That’ll only be 130 calories. This isn’t a far cry from the basics’ number one fave: the PSL. (That’s pumpkin spiced latte, for those’ve you living under rocks.) And, if you down-gra(n)de and subtract the topping to short and whipless, you can go from 380 to 160 calories easily. Unsatisfied with a short? A tall will still be worth the tweak, coming in at a doable 280 calories.
Then, finally, for the salted caramel mocha.
The most calorie packed of them all, this one’s packing about 470 calories as a grande, topped with whip. Shave the aerated cream and go a few ounces lighter, however, and you’re still getting the tasty benefit – minus the imminent muffin top. By lowering your order to a short sans any white stuff, the damage’s only 180. And even a tall’s only 100 calories more than that.
In the end, we’re already basic enough, caving to pricey cravings for Steal-bucks and its Autumnal menu.
(Umm… has anyone ever gotten their drink in one’ve these fancy azz cups? Yeah…m’either.)
But at least we can be less basic with these easy weight loss tweaks. They’re just as much caffeinated punch with fewer calories. The lack of whip means more room for actual coffee. And, the bonus is that we can use all that extra money we’re saving for other original things that set us apart from the crowd.
Like yoga pants.
And UGG boots.