“Soup cleanses” are now a thing.

April 23, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

Whether the weather is serene and springy or blistery in winter, I always spend my evenings enjoying a hearty bowl of warm, hydrous, vegetable-y, gastronomical goodness. It’s comforting without all the fat or extra calories of conventional “comfort foods”. The steam and spices embrace my belly. I feel satiated. Fulfilled. Loved. And, yes, pathetic as that list most definitely and admittedly is… soup time is sacrosanct for me. Get between me and my vat of liquid bliss and limbs might go missing. In fact, every evening I’m dining solo and someone dares to technologically interrupt me, my disyllabic reply is the same:

“Souping.”

So you can imagine my surprise when I heard the same term used in reference to a trendy new cleanse.

’cause I’ve been souping since I was six.

“I was souping before souping was cool. Or… hot? Whatever.”

Actually, both.

See, on a soup cleanse, you can get both gazpacho style cold soups as well as traditional steamy stews – depending on what kinda company you sign up for – from Splendid Spoon to Soupure to just making that shiz yourself. (Because: money.) The idea’s just that – whatever you do – you try to keep the ingredients mostly vegan. And, no, that’s not because we vegans wanna lure you into a cult where our leader is a stalk of non-GMO corn on an altar. (Though you’re totally welcome to join us. On Wednesdays we wear hemp.) Nay, sir. The reason for keeping things vegan is because the more plant based the diet, the more filling fiber (sans the surplus fat and calories you’d get from animal products) you’ll fill up on. That’s how you get slender so fast. That – along with all that warm water based broth that makes you feel satiated. That’s also where the juice cleanses fall short. When you deprive yourself of the pulp, you don’t feel as full. For that reason, so many juicers fail prematurely, binge at Baskin Robbins right after Bikram class, and don’t notice til Sunday when they wake covered in cake crumbs that they’ve got nine mason jars of jade frothy fruit blood in their fridge slowly turning into a science experiment.

“If I water my plants with this… is it forced cannibalism?”

Or, as wellness coach Carrie McMahon puts it:

“I’m definitely on board with this trend, because my biggest issue with juicing is the fiber. You don’t get any of the fiber or fullness, so you end up drinking a ton of calories.”

As a liquid vegetable indulging veteran, I love the idea of everyone souping.

Except – I love it so much that I don’t feel it has to be reserved for your 1,200 calorie rest days. (Which is what the “cleanse” aspect of it is meant to have you do – go for a minimal calorie intake where you feel full but aren’t truly fueled up.) But I’m living proof that it can be tweaked to become your tasty, daily go-to, in lieu of some cousin-of-juicing cleanse. Do it right, and “souping” can be your regular, heart-warming, healthy reward you look forward to more eves than not. The trick is to get your fruity fiber calories (corpse and all – not just their body juices sucked outta them by a machine) earlier on in the A.M.. Start with a bowl of nature’s candy after waking, and it’ll fill you up and keep you from doing needless snacking before your lunch o’ clock dose o’ soup.

And how do you get all your ther necessary nutrients in?

Ah, that’s easy, my dear. That’s the beauty of soup. You can keep dumping any number of random stuff in.

(“Last night’s leftovers… Movie stub from 2005… Penny covered in lint laced gum… Snot rocket…”)

Well… within reason.

And, when you do, it all just takes on the taste of the broth – mixed with its own special donation of unique deliciousness. As a stew hipster myself, I can confidently say that by adding in some tofu (Or lentils. Or quinoa. Or tempeh), you can easily meet your protein requirements as well, making this a “not just for rest day” kinda meal plan. I generally go for a bunch of mixed veggies, some kale and spinach as well (for iron, calcium, and a bunch’ve other required vitamins) and even a sprinkling of chia seeds or flax just to thicken things up while also infusing you with nutrients you need. To keep shiz interesting, I’ll alternate these ingredients through the week – along with which herbs I snow into my bowl. And, that, incidentally is the last step. You wanna keep your sodium intake low. (Because: water retention and a litany of long term diseases.) Yet, you also want your new shoe-in to be savory enough that you don’t loathe it the way you loathed the chlorophyll elixir you just quit. That’s why you use copious herbs ‘n spices, my friend. Lemon pepper. Chili powder. Onion. Garlic. Keep them mofos on eternal rotation – along with which veggies, seeds, and protein sources you use – and you’ll never tire of this life-long “cleanse”. Seriously, why eat clean for just a day when you can feel light and lean and energetic indefinitely? When you could avert the caloric roller coaster? Stay slender forever? Never be hungry? Why would you deny yourself tha-

Oh-… Sorry.

That’s all the time we’ve got. Fire alarm just went off.

(Which means my own bowl o’ liquid love’s ready.)

Let the victual ritual commence.

“TONIGHT WE DINE… WITH DAINTY SPOONS!!!!1”

Best of luck enjoying your newfound soup-er food, all.