Can tequila make you lose weight?

January 7, 2016 Ashley 0 Comments

You’ve probably seen this article circulating recently:

(Likely posted betwixt motivational pics by your FB pal, as she guzzles down toxins to drown her nuptial regrets.)

Along with that one myth about skipping the gym in favor of merlot, ’cause it “does the same as a workout”.

And, while I hate to burst the bubbles coming outta your intoxicated esophagus as it hiccups up that last shot… I’m gonna hafta. It just wouldn’t be fair to lie to you. Or to let these people get away with click bait titles about shots o’ firewater burning your wide arse off. (Unlike mine, which is almost just as bad – but redeemable inasmuch as it’s posed as an inquiry instead of a statement.) Because while it is true that tequila is made from sugars that can help promote weight loss ,it’s an invalid argument. One that’s pretty much tantamount to saying that greasy pizza’s healthy ’cause it’s got pulverized tomatoes somewhere smothered beneath that flood of grease, cholesterol, and strata of melted, curdled cow product. (Which you’ll probably also eat after a long night of tequila drinking, when you return from painting the city crimson, and are all ravenous stuff.) The problem’s this: there’s no evidence (or research for that matter) to prove that tequila itself can aid in your weight loss goals on a healthy level. What Mexican scientists did do, however were some studies with rats.

What they did, was to take those sugars you can turn into tequila (called “agavins”), and fed them to rats.

What happened, you ask?

Formerly obese mice lost weight.. and blood glucose sugars in diabetic ones lowered.

(Then again, if childhood taught me anything, it’s that Mexican rats are super active anyway. #Variable.)

And…why? Because these formerly voracious rodents were eating less. What the researchers attributed this to was a hormone only secreted in Agavin eaters (it’s called GLP-1, but neither you or I will likely remember that). What you might remember about this hormone, however, is that is keeps your tummy feeling full for longer. Also: it pumps out insulin (which means it might be fantastic for diabetics). Also: you can accomplish all of this without tequila and with a healthy, high fiber, low fat, unprocessed diet. Also: let’s take a moment to appreciate that the research was done in Mexico – from whence tequila hails. Which is probably how all’a these articles linking the agave plant to the popular poison came to fruition.

In the end, I will say I’m sorry for foiling your new, debaucherous diet plan.

Thus, I’ll offer this for those’a you who came here for a dose o’ confirmation bias:

Sure, you can lose weight drinking tequila. In fact, I myself have lost weight every single time I’ve had it.

Just, ya know… good luck keeping it off. Or not feeling crappyful in the long run.