Is your weight loss journey killing your kid’s self image?

August 17, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments

When I was little, I recall this kinda traumatic moment.

My mom stood at the mirror and basically pre-enacted that mirror scene from “Mean Girls”.

For a good ten minutes.

Seriously. All three characters, rolled into one like a Legion demon of self loathing. She bashed herself verbally and audibly for being overweight, and ultimately it culminated in a fountain of tears. Now, mind you: she was about fifty. She’d had three children (the first of which was headed off to college). My dad was overseas. And she was even going through the hormone horror that is menopause. But, more than that, she’d caught Lyme disease several years prior. Now, if you know anything about Lyme disease, it can be downright debilitating. Everything’s next level agonizing. Moving around is excruciating for some. (Much less exercising the way you need to, to stay fit). Case in point that’s a bit of a tangent? This one patient’ve mine hobbles into my clinic every day on crutches – thanks to the effects of Lyme disease. Sometimes, she needs a wheelchair. So, long story short, it was amazing that my mom was taking care of all’ve us kids while going through that. That was wonder-woman-y enough of her. And, while she had no idea what a terrible, perma-scar that moment planted on her progeny (me, duh), I retrospectively can appreciate the frustration. Especially now, when she acknowledges how that was kinda sorta awful to let me see. (And especially since it was one of many to come.) Not many parents – no matter how much distance they get from a wrongdoing – can own up to the error of it. My mom’s a special kind, though.

And, if she could go back, she’d change that. She’d change what so many other parents are equally guilty of doing. What they’ve got is hatred for their exterior – which turns inward, festers, rots and becomes a vicious cycle when they self abuse physically via either neglect or self flagellating exercise. Both are equally awful for ya. Because either your despised exercise gets chased with unhealthy “reward” eating – or paired up with a sour world outlook. One that transfers onto your spawn. Value your coating more than your soul, and you’ll inevitably self-shame out loud when you see a photograph of yourself that’s not optimal – or catch an unfavorable looking glimpse of your frame in a reflective surface. And guess who can see and hear all of it? The little girl or boy you brought into this world. The one you hoped might have a happier life than you presumably do.

But here’s a secret:

Your baby’s the lovechild of a chameleon and a supercharged sponge. And, no, that’s not a jab at you and your baby-daddy. Rather, what I mean is that that little mini-you is constantly scanning the world like The Terminator for new material to copy, and he/she’s sucking it up at warped speed. Which means, you’d better be really careful with what you do or say around them. You’re literally turning them into you with your words and actions. Do you like who you are right now? Do you want them to think and act like that? Knowing that they’re mimicking mom, wouldn’t it just be easier to adjust your outlook, stat? To get a different “why” for doing what you do? To maybe make it come from a better place? “I wanna run every morning – not for my thighs’ size – but so I can play with my son and support him. I wanna do this so that they’ll wanna do it. I want it to be this fantastic habit that comes more easily for my daughter than it did for me. I want her to fall in love with being healthy so she never feels like I did before I found a fitness path. I want to love my self – so that she loves hers”.

It may sound kinda campy. But, the truth is, there’s no way around it. Before we get a good handle on language, we’re super tuned into the energy and intention of those around us. So, make yours great. If you’re a parent struggling with the reason motivating your weight loss, try thinking about what you’d want your kiddo’s to be. Why do you want your daughter or son to be healthy and strong? How would you feel if they stood in the mirror, gripping and pinching the skin of their arms? Crying and calling themselves “too fat”? As they get older and enter adolescence, do you want them to struggle through fitness out of self hatred? Or thanks to a zest for life? Hopefully, every last one’ve those are rhetorical inquiries. We all want our spawn to totally love the eff outta themselves so they can go out and have an awesome impact on the planet.

(Protip, tho: they’ll only get that “zest” from you. You’re it. You’re their blueprint for good living.)

The thing is, though you have to actually have it first, to pass it along.

So, next time you hit the gym or ditch the Krispy Kreme – try think of why you’d want your daughter to do it.

And make that your reason, too.