Is wearing Beyonce’s new hoodie to the gym going to make me lose weight faster?

November 12, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments

Beyonce’s got Ivy Park athleticwear.

Kate Hudson’s got Fabletics.

Heidi Klum’s got that one thing I already forgot about that’s now obsolete.

With so many options, which should you choose? I mean, really. This is important. (Right?) If I want Heidi’s hotness, Beyonce’s awesomeness, and Kate’s champagne level effervescence personality, wearing something with their name on it’s the only way to get it. Obviously. That’s what’s gonna get me fitter faster. Not eating what they do. Not rocking the cardio routine their trainer takes ’em through tri-daily. No. It’s the three-wears-before-tearing yoga pants that’re gonna get me Klum’s pins and Hudson’s bubbliness. It’s all about wasting cash on clothing that won’t last.

(See? Her pants – which I’m sure she was wearing if it’s cold enough for a sweatshirt – already disintegrated…)

Now, let’s get serious.

Do you wanna know what I wore to the gym today? Me too. Because I have no idea. I spend less time investing energy in what I’m gonna wear to work out, and more time actually working out. The color, style, and material is immaterial to me. That said, I’m not judging you for wanting to look cute. Definitely not. In fact, I’m one of those keep-on-the-makeup-to-lift types of chicks. What I am saying, however, is that the designer ain’t that big’ve a deal. Chances are, if you’re hitting your fitness regimen hard enough, you’re gonna get ‘em misshapen anyway as you get into shape. And that’s okay. That’s what they’re there for. So, why waste time and money alike staking out the next best trend in exercise threads?

(“Buying tomorrow’s activewear in my activewear…”)

Really.

The whole reason we love the Beyonces of the world is ‘cause they branched off and did their own thing. Not because of who they wore – much less whatever athletic gear they’re trying to push on us. We love their non “basic” nature. Anyone here remember No Doubt in the early years? Gwen was adulated even then for her uniqueness. She’d do her workouts on stage – hopping around like she was prepping for a cage fight and doing pushups during guitar solos. And you know what she wore for every show? That same stanky little tank top. She’d wash it after one show and wear it all over again for tomorrow’s. Nothing fancy. She was fit ‘cause she was committed to giving a good performance. She stayed in shape because she was doing what she loved. And she didn’t need a name brand to do that in. That’s what we admire in these celebs. So why would we think we’d be more like them by merely sheeping it up in their stuff? Why not be your own thing? Hit up Target, Ross, WalMart, or – hell – make like Gwen and sew your own stuff – for that matter. I promise it’ll last just as long.

And instead’ve blazing through your cash, you can blaze through calories in the best thing you’ll ever wear:

Your fitter, happier, new “celebrity” level body.