Factors to consider before trying a widely acclaimed weight loss workout

August 8, 2017 Ashley 0 Comments

“Now, we’re gonna do diamond jump squats…”

I heard this… and I was genuinely afraid for her.

And, by “her”, I mean the instructor for my evening “Insanity” class. See, I’d come to this class because I’d heard it was hardcore. And, indeed, I wanted to go hard tonight. I wanted someone to push me. I wanted to sweat so hard that they had to summon the janitor after class. However, as the class began, the instructor appeared to be nowhere in sight. Or so I thought. That’s when I came to the sudden realization that the overweight lady toddling to the front on a busted knee while directing everyone with an arm brace laden upper limb… would be our leader for this evening.

Now, don’t get me wrong.


(This *isn’t* where I’m going with this. If you you can keep up, I don’t care how you look.
That said, the lady in question could not keep up. She was visibly hindered by her excess flesh.)

So let’s clear up some obvious stuff: it’s commendable and a half to show up to work even when you’re injured. That’s pretty badazz. Also, it’s always inspiring to see someone working out when they’re not yet fit. That’s totally motivating. But when your injuries and overweight status interfere with your capacity to teach the class, you’re doing your students a disservice. A massive one. That’s when it’s just inconsiderate. Because, aside from the fact that I forked out money to have my gluteals given to me (by someone I’d assumed would be more in shape and healthy than I am), I’d also set time aside in my schedule to try something new. Something insane. Something that had promised to burn 1,000 calories. And as poor, injured Alicia (that’s her name – at least for the purposes of this account) came crashing down out of her diamond squat, flinched, and tried to hide her pain, I realized… I had no one to blame but myself. This was my mistake. Actually, I’d made two mistakes.

The first?

Going to a McFitness class – where the teachers (lovely though they are on a human level) got their certifications at a drive through. The second? Falling for the unrealistic promise Insanity sets: That you’ll burn 1,000 calories per workout. Whoever you are. And, sure, you probably can. If you know the routines and bang ‘em out at warp speed with perfect form, you can probably force feed your BMR some diesel grade fat blasting fuel in less than half an hour. But the problem with expecting to match the standard they’ve inaccurately set, is that it’s….well… inaccurate. When we go to consider how many calories a given activity will burn, we’ve gotta take in a whole mess of elements. And the same goes for the real thing we’re after when we talk about calorie burn: long term weight loss. For example, when it comes to the immediate burn, there’s how much you weigh (the more you weigh, the more you’ll burn). There’s the intensity (whether you’re slow like injured Alicia, or rabbit fast like my Muay Thai instructor – who I should’ve just gone to for a workout instead). There’s the edible petrol – the food – you’re eating (the higher the quality of your nosh, the higher the quality of your workout). And that food factor also plays into how much weight you’ll ultimately be losing. Likewise, workout frequency will dictate your weight loss as well: you’ve gotta keep at it to get results.

Just remember to take a rest day so you don’t end up like poor Alicia.


(“Oh no, I’ll be fine to teach the 5:30 CrossFit tonight!”)

And that’s the problem here.

Exactly none of these elements were woven into that “1,000” figure someone clearly summoned from their own colon. It’s impossible to generate a generic number that takes all’ve those things into consideration. So they just come up with a nice sounding number. And we believe it, some’ve us, because we want it to be true. That said, I’m not calling Insanity innately bad or incapable of burning that much (depending on where your other fitness facets are). My point’s that it doesn’t accomplish that all the time. And it doesn’t accomplish that for everyone consistently. Indeed, unfortunately, my Insanity workout wasn’t representative of what a workout like this can accomplish. Not in the least. But what it is representative of – is the fact that a program can’t claim to burn a specific set of calories. Sounds kinda obvi – but heaps of people waltz into these evening classes trusting they’ll bust out a workout worthy of tomorrow’s cheat day. The truth is, you can’t trust an instructor to do that for you. If you want an honest calorie calculator, buy one’ve those workout gadgets to ballpark it for you. And, if you want actual results, find the best trainer to make you. That – or get a living room video and hit those HIIT moves at machine gun frequency.

In sum, the only thing insane about this workout is the standard calorie maiming claim. At the end of the day, your caloric burn’s only gonna be as insane as your effort level is. (Which really goes for any workout you do.) Your job is to make sure that stays up – by getting the right, able bodied trainer for you, or DIY’ing HAM at home. Up that, and you increase your chances of reaching that hardcore fat burn. But, if you really wanna know how much of your pooch you’re nuking off, invest in a Fitbit to wear to class. (Or literally any other of the poor man’s versions of it; zero point zero of those dudes pay me, so I’m not suggesting any brand specifically.) Sure, it might not be 100% accurate. But at least it’s A.) closer to the truth than a generic figure, B.) not gonna delude you into believing faux stats, and C.) won’t have you dipping into “insanity” when you step on the scale and can’t math out how your alleged 1,000 calorie workout’s somehow blocking your weight loss goals.

#insanity#insanity workout#weight loss workouts

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